Cookies
by Victoria-BlackHeart
Summary: Summary inside. Mild violence and mild language. Nothing extreme.
1. Part One

_This is totally, one hundred percent, a crack fic. It is dedicated to Kibble Beast._

_Summary: Optimus Prime and Megatron can do anything, ya hear? ANYTHING. But one day at the Decepticon base, Blackout uncovers something they CAN'T do, and chaos ensues along with a bet between the Decepticons and Autobots and their leaders._

_Note: Jazz, Blackout, Bonecrusher, Frenzy and Scorponok are alive._

* * *

"Man, I'm so fragging bored!" Blackout whined, as he was lying on the floor in the Decepticon base. He looked around, and saw that the others were ignoring him, "I said, man! I'm so fragging bored!" Again, no response. He got up, and walked over to where Bonecrusher and Barricade were, "Hey!" He yelled, waving his hand in front of their faces.

"What the fragging Primus do you want?" Bonecrusher snapped, turning towards Blackout.

"I'm bored! There's nothing to do around here!" he whined again.

"Well, find something to entertain yourself with!" He answered, and turned back to Barricade. Blackout huffed, and walked out of the room, Scorponok at his feet. He wandered around the halls, looking in rooms, and saw Megatron at his desk reading something. He peeked in.

"Whatcha doing?" He asked. Megatron looked up.

"Are you blind? What does it look like I'm doing?" he snapped back, and turned back to his paper. Blackout came in the office, and Megatron knew that he wanted something. With a sigh, he placed the paper down, "What do you want?"

"Can I borrow your computer?"

"What about the one in the lounge?"

"Starscream's playing solitaire again, and he's been on it for hours," Megatron picked up his laptop, and tossed it at Blackout.

"Now get out."

Blackout quickly left the office, and went off towards his room. Once there, he sat down on his bed, and began playing games on the computer. He began to get bored with the games, and soon closed them. Blackout sighed again, and tapped on the keyboard. Scorponok crawled over, and chirped, "Of course I'm so fragging bored. There's nothing to do!" He threw his hands up in the air, failing to notice that Scorponok had typed in the website Google. Blackout looked down at the laptop, "What the fragging Primus?" Scorponok buzzed, and began typing with his tail the words 'Optimus Prime and Megatron.' "Why are you searching them up?" Scorponok didn't answer, just clicking on the title 'Optimus Prime and Megatron can do anything.' Blackout frowned, "Are you insulting me?" The other Decepticon hit him with his tail, and pointed at a phrase. Blackout sighed and read it.

"Optimus Prime and Megatron can do anything, exepct bake cookies. Huh," Blackout said, tapping his chin, "What are cookies?" He typed in the word 'cookies', and read.

"Hmm. A small mixture composed of many ingredients, the most common being chocolate chip," Blackout felt a small smile spread across his face, "This should be interesting."

* * *

Megatron finished reading his paper, and stretched, his metal creaking. Now all he needed was a good oil bath, shoot pictures of Optimus and go into recharge. He stood up just as Blackout entered the room, "What do you want now?"

"You and Prime, you _can't_ do everything," Blackout said with a small smile."

"Yes we can."

"No you can't."

"Yes, we can!"

"No, you can't! I found something you can't do! You can't bake cookies!" Blackout said triumphantly.

"What is the meaning of this blasphemy?" Megatron demanded. Blackout handed him his laptop, and Megatron read the line. His optics went wide, then he shut his laptop, "We're leaving."

"Huh? Where?" Megatron stormed out of the room, "Megatron! Wait up!"

* * *

In the Autobot base, the few humans in contact with them were relaxing in the lounge, the tv turned on and various bags of chips opened, "I don't know about you guys, but I'm glad there's been no action," Lennox said, grabbing a bag of sour cream and onion. Sam nodded, his girlfriend Mikaela stroking his hand.

"Ironhide's been going crazy though," Epps said, his hand in the bag of barbeque, "It would make him happy if they just showed up."

"Megatron! Wait up!" Everyone looked at each other, "Slow down!" As if on cue, Megatron and the Decepticons entered the room. Epps dropped the bag.

"Where's Prime?" Megatron demanded, his red optics scanning the room.

"Uh...?" He stormed out, the Decepticons following him. Everyone got up, and followed them.

In another room, Jazz, the twins and Bumblebee were listening to the radio. Jazz decided to show off some new dance moves. He brought his arms up to his chest, and began moving them in and out, along with his body, "This is called 'crumping'. I learned it yesterday," The twins, Mudflap and Skids, got up and began 'crumping' as well. Bumblebee changed the song.

_That's not my name  
__That's not my name  
__They call me Stacey  
__That's not my name_

Megatron burst in, and Bumblebee changed the song.

_Run away, run away  
__He'll attack  
__Run away, run away  
__He'll chase you 'round_

They stopped and turned. The twins shrieked, and Skids jumped into Mudflap's arms. Jazz ran and hid behind Bumblebee, "Where's Prime?" They said nothing, exepct Bumblebee.

_They taped over our mouths  
Scribbled out the truth with their lies  
You little spies_

Megatron stormed out, and soon they began following as well.

Meanwhile, Optimus was having a very relaxing conversation with Ratchet and Ironhide, for once the discussion not about blowing things up. Ironhide stretched, "Well, it seems the Decepticons are gone, which is good," The other two mechs nodded. Ratchet opened his mouth to speak when the door was blown off its hinges. Megatron stormed in, a large group following him.

"PRIME! WE NEED TO TALK!"

_Why can't we be friends?  
Why can't we be friends?_

"Ok," Optimus stood up, "About what?"

_Let's be more than this_

"Have you read this blasphemy?" Megatron shoved the laptop in his face, "It says we can't bake cookies!" Optimus read the line.

"But... we can't."

"We never tried!"

_Nothing compares to  
A quiet evening along_

"Well, we have to prove them wrong!" Megatron tossed the laptop at Blackout, then turned to them, "I bet you myself and Prime can bake... ten dozen cookies!" Optimus' optics went wide. Blackout walked up to Megatron.

"If you do?"

"You Decepticons and Autobots will be servants to myself and Prime for a week," A cry of protest rose up from the Decepticons and Autobots.

"If you don't?"

"Myself and Prime will be servants to the Decepticons and Autobots for a week," Optimus began to protest.

"You got youself a deal."

_Oh no, what's this?  
A spiderweb and I'm caught in the middle_

Optimus frowned, "Not helping Bumblebee."

_Used to laugh 'bout everything  
Now you're plain boring_

"Bumblebee."

_You don't really wanna say no_

"Fine! If it's a bet you want, then it's a bet you get!" Optimus shouted, "Come Megatron. We must gather out supplies to bake cookies," The two brothers linked arms, and walked out of the room.

_Cause you're hot then you're cold  
You're yes than you're no_

"This should be interesting," Lennox said.

* * *

"So, um..."

"Yeah...I..."

"Um... you know...."

"Yeah...So...."

"I...um...guess....you know...."

"Yeeaahh..."

The Autobot and Decepticon stared at each other, each sitting at the large table in the meeting room across from each other, trying to find the words to say that didn't involve insults, which was very hard for each other. Megatron tapped his fingers on the table while Optimus twiddled his thumbs. Megatron looked around the room.

"It's nice. This room..."

"Oh thanks..."

"New paint?"

"Yeah. Arcee picked it out."

"Oh," Silence. The clock ticked.

"Anything new?"

"Oh, um, not really. Few holes in the walls. That's about it."

"Nice," Silence again. The clock continued to tick, "So...," Optimus said, tapping his fingertips together.

"So."

"We, um, gonna start these cookies?"

"Yeah," Silence again. Optimus opened his mouth, then closed it, "What?"

"Nothing."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"No, what is it?"

"Do you even know what is in cookies?"

"..."

"You don't."

"..."

"We just lost the bet."

* * *

The Autobots and Decepticons stared at the clock, watching the hands slowly move. They were waiting until Prime and Megatron came out of the room and said we give up. Ratchet rolled his optics, "This is ridiculous!" Everyone shushed him, "What? It is!" Ironhide smacked him in the head.

"Shut the frag up Ratch. They're going to cave," The door opened, and Optimus came out. He looked around.

"We need a cook book," Everyone groaned. Optimus walked over to the kitchen, and pulled out various cook books, then went back in the room.

"Frag."

* * *

"Ok. Got the books," Optimus placed them on the table, and Megatron picked one up, and started flicking through it, "Maybe we should..."

"I know how to read Prime!" His brother snapped, and continued looking through the book. Optimus fell silent, and began looking through a book as well. The clock ticked, pages were flipped continuously until...

"AHA!" Optimus jumped. Megatron shoved the book in his face, "Recipes for cookies! Thousands upon thousands!" Megatron turned away from his brother, "I, Megatron, have discovered the key to our success!"

"That's great Megatron. Now we ne..."

"To rub this in their faces! Excellent idea Prime!" With that Megatron shot out of the room, and soon his taunts and insults could be heard. Optimus pinched his nasal plasting, and sighed. This was going to be a long day. He heard Ratchet throw something. Correction, make that a very long day.

Megatron returned, rubbing a dent in his helm, "That Ratchet has a very good aim," Optimus rolled his optics.

"Tell me about it," Megatron sat back down, "Now, we need to gather all the necessary ingredients. Let's see...flour..."

"Sugar..."

"Milk..."

"Salt..."

"Baking powder..."

"Baking soda..."

"Margarine or butter..."

"Vanilla extract..."

"Chocolate chips..."

"Sultanas..."

"White chocolate chips..."

"Oatmeal..."

"Butterscotch chocolate chips..."

"Cocoa..."

"M&M's..."

"Raisins..."

"And various bowls and pans. This is going to be easy," Optimus said with a smile. Megatron nodded, "Now we need to gather the ingredients and we can start baking."

* * *

"If they bake all those cookies, I'm going to perform interperative dance for my love of Megatron," Ratchet said with sarcasm. The Decepticons looked at each other.

"I'll bet to that!"

"Me too!"

"Ditto!"

"I didn't mean it!" Ratchet said, and sighed. Ironhide patted him on the back.

"It's alright. We know you didn't mean it," Ratchet glared at him.

"You're loving that I'm in this mess right now."

"Oh yeah," Ratchet groaned, "Come on Ratch! It's just a friendly bet!" The others nodded in agreement. Ratchet sighed.

"Why do I get the feeling that this is going to be a very long day?"

* * *

_And here is the part one of the "Cookies" story! Enjoy!! It's a just a little side thing. I won't forget my other stories._


	2. Part Two, Part One

_I would like to say one thing...thanks for the reviews!!!_

_And it only gets crazier from here people ;)_

* * *

"Ok. That should be the last of the ingredients," Optimus said, rubbing the back of his neck. He and Megatron were at the supermarket, as holo-forms of course, and had just finished picking up the last ingredients for their ten dozen cookies, "Now all we have to do is bake them when we get home," Megatron rolled his eyes, and pushed the cart towards the check-out aisle, "I can't believe that we fit all of this in one cart."

"Woopee."

"Come on, be happier than that!"

"I'd be happy if I didn't have to spend the day with you," Megatron snapped. A nearby woman shook her head.

"You shouldn't be talking to your boyfriend like that," Megatron chocked while Optimus' eyes went wide, "He probably does a lot around the house while you sit down and drink a beer," She walked past them, Megatron's mouth hung open.

"That little fragger!"

"Calm down. She didn't mean it," Optimus said, and pushed the cart up to the check-out. He began placing all the ingredients on the lane. The young girl popped her gum.

"Baking a lot of cookies?"

"Yup. We are. Together," She raised her eyebrow.

"And he's not helping you put this up here?" She shook her head in disgrace, "You should break up with him and find yourself a better one," Megatron froze. Optimus frowned, and took out Will's wallet. He pulled out a card, and handed it to her. She swiped it, then handed it back to him, "Sign here Me. Lennox," Optimus signed, and she placed the receipt in the draw, "Have a nice day."

* * *

"What is Ratchet doing?" Sam asked, looking up from his sandwich. Ratchet was moving around, waving his arms and spinning while Jazz coached him. Lennox chuckled.

"Jazz is teaching him an interprative dance," Lennox said, pulling out the jar of pickles. He took one out, cut it in half and placed it in on his sandwich, "If Optimus and Megatron make all those cookies, he has to do an interprative dance to show his love of Megatron," Sam chuckled, and spread the peanut butter on mayonnaise.

"Ew," Mikaela said, and took out a bottle of water, "That's disgusting Sam."

"It's really good," He slapped on two pieces of salami and ham, then the top layer of bread, " Best sandwich of life," Mikaela rolled her eyes, "What? You don't like what I eat?"

"Obviously not," Mikaela said, and pulled out some crackers and cheese. They watched Ratchet attempt to do a cartwheel, but fell on his helm. Jazz threw his hands up in the air.

"You're hopeless Ratch! We'll just leave out the cartwheel I suppose," he said glumly. He was really looking forward to seeing the cartwheel and watching Megatron's facial expression. There was a roar of an engine and the sound of a jet landing, "They're back!" Everyone leaned out the windows, and watched as Optimus and Megatron took out bags of supplies and made their way to kitchen. Lennox smiled, and sipped his coffee.

"Now the fun begins."

* * *

"OK. Let's get this cookies started," Optimus said, tying an apron around his waist. Megatron snickered, "Why are you laughing? You have to wear one too!" His smile dropped, and reluctantly he put on the apron as well.

"This is like a skirt! I look like a fragging girl!"

"You act like one too," Optimus said under his breath, but unfortunately for him, Megatron heard that. He spun around.

"Care to repeat that remark Prime?" he asked, flexing his claws menacingly, "Or shall I force it out of your pathetic vocal processor?" Optimus placed his hands on his hip, "What?"

"Let's just bake this cookies," Optimus turned to the recipe book, "Flour: two and a..." Megatron dumped the whole bag in a bowl, "We have to measure the ingredients Megatron!" Megatron looked at him, then at the bag of sugar in his hands. He dumped that it the bowl as well, "Megatron!"

"You do not tell I, The Great Megatron, what to do! I tell YOU what to do!" Megatron laughed menacingly, "VICTORY SHALL BE MINE!"

"Ours," Optimus corrected, "Victory shall be ours."

"That doesn't sound as menacing as mine though," Megatron said, dumping in the baking powder. Optimus stopped, and thought about it.

"You're right," He cleared his throat, "VICTORY SHALL BE MINE!" He laughed menacingly, then looked at Megatron, "How was that?"

"You fail at life."

"You fail at life!"

"Your mom fails at life!"

"Mom never loved you anyways!" Megatron gasped. His lip quivered.

"Mommy never loved me?" he squeaked, water gathering in his optics, "That hit me in the feel bads," he said, pounding a fist over his spark, "That really hurt," he turned away.

"Megatron. I didn't mean it."

"Lies! You are the Great Optimus Prime, and you mean everything you ever say!" he sobbed, covering his face with his claws. Little did he know that Scorponok was tapping this very moment, and that it was going to be used as blackmail to get Megatron to do something, but that is another story, for another time.

* * *

"Heeeheeeheee!" Blackout giggled, watching the video, "This is awesome Scorponok! We can SOOOOOO use this for blackmail!" Scorponok chirped in agreement, "I love this bet!"

* * *

_More chaos!! What will happen next? Time is running out! Will Optimus and Megatron put aside their differences and bake the cookies? Will the Autobots and Decepticons win or lose the bet? Will Ratchet be able to perform a cartwheel, or will he disappoint Jazz? What will Mikaela do about Sam's strange eating habits? Will Ratchet have to perform his dance? Will Ironhide have objects thrown at his head? Will Skids and Mudflap ever learn to speak proper English or will we all be doomed to listen to their slang? And the main question is: WILL OPTIMUS AND MEGATRON PROVE THAT THEY CAN DO EVERYTHING????????????? Stay tuned for part three of "Cookies" to find the answers for these questions!_

* * *


	3. Part Two, Part Two

"Eh, what time is it?" Lennox asked, stretched out on the couch. Epps looked up at the clock.

"Almost four," Lennox got up.

"I'll be back. I need to go pick up Sarah and Annabell," He heard a loud moan from the main hanger.

"No no no! It's behind, side, front! Not behind, front, side!"

"Does it really make a difference?!"

"Yes it does! And your whole sense of timing is off!" Epps rolled his eyes.

"I can't wait until this bet is over," he grumbled, and slumped down on the couch. Lennox smiled, and left. Epps slumped further on the couch when he heard the fighting once again.

"You call THAT a cartwheel?!"

Sam and Mikaela stared at Jazz and Ratchet. They were bickering like an old married couple, Jazz would obviously be the woman. Not only because his voice got high pitched when he was mad, but also he did scream like a little girl when he got scared. Ironhide had placed a mouse in front of him, and he jumped fifty feet in the air. Mikaela shook her head, and turned towards Sam.

"Imagine, if Optimus and Megatron don't make all those cookies, Ratchet will have learned the dance for nothing. Maybe we'll videotape it and put it on Youtube. It would be hilarious," Sam chuckled, and placed his arm around her, pulling her close.

"I wonder how Optimus and Megatron are doing."

* * *

Optimus sighed, and sat up, "Megsy, I'm sorry," The Decepticon Lord looked up, then continued to cry, "Megatron. Please stop crying. I didn't mean what I said."

_One Hour Later..._

Megatron cried, his hand over his face. Optimus looked up at the ceiling, "What did I do to deserve this Primus? WHAT?!"

_One More Hour Later..._

Optimus placed the two on top of the three, then moved the whole row over on top of the seven. He looked up, and saw Megatron had migrated to the corner, and was now rocking back and forth, sucking his thumb. He sighed, and continued his game of Spider Solitaire.

_Two More Hours Later..._

"Optimus. I've decided to accept your apology," Optimus looked up, "On one condition. We bake the cookies MY way, understood?" Megatron said, wiping his optics.

"Ok."

"And another thing," The Prime rolled his eyes, "This whole me bawling my optics out never happened, understood?" Optimus nodded. Megatron walked over to the giant mixing bowl, and began pouring in the ingredients.

The next couple hours went by smoothly, execpt for a few chocolate chips being thrown and flour in the optics incidents, everything else went smoothly. Megatron and Optimus were actually enjoying being together and they were laughing together like old times, just like when they were younger.

"Alright. That's the last batch to go into the oven," Optimus said, placing the last tray inside, along with nine other trays. Megatron wiped his claws off, and sighed.

"Done. Now we just have to wait," He grabbed the timer, "How long do I put the timer on for?" Optimus looked over at the book, and accidently hit the temperature up to five hundred.

"Uh, twelve minutes," Megatron set the timer, and started it.

"Alright. Let's relax for twelve minutes. Let's watch some tv," They got up, and went into the lounge.

* * *

"Well, well, well. Look who is out of the kitchen," Ironhide said, aiming his cannons at the target, "Happy couple finally give up?"

"No."

"Actually, we have all ten dozen in the oven as we speak, and in twelve minutes, they will be ready and all of you will lose," Optimus sneered, "BOO YAH! WHO DA PRIME! WHO DA PRIME? I DA PRIME!" he shouted, pounding his fists in the air. Ironhide's optic twitched.

"Never, EVER do that again."

Jazz bounding in.

"YOU GOT THE COOKIES IN THE OVEN?! RATCH! TIME TO GET READY!" They heard a loud groan from the main hanger.

"I AM NOT WEARING THAT RIDICULOUS THING!"

"YA GOTTA! IT'S PART OF THE ACT! COME ON RATCH!" Jazz bounded out, and they heard a chase commence. Optimus chuckled, and leaned back on the couch, Megatron sitting on the opposite chair.

"Soon, all of your cookie cravings shall be satsfied and VICTORY SHALL BE MINE!" Megatron cackled menacingly, then began to cough, "Ugh. Flour in my vocal processor," Epps smiled, and turned back to the tv. Sam and Mikaela walked into the room, and sat down next to Optimus. Soon, everyone was silent and concentrated on the tv.

_Twelve Minutes Later..._

Optimus heard the timer go off, and got up, stretching, "Alright Megs. Let's win this bet," Megatron nodded, and they walked into the kitchen. Megatron sniffed the air.

"Do you smell something burning?" They turned towards the oven, and saw black smoke leaking out the sides.

"THE COOKIES!"

"Nononononononononononononononononononononononononononononono," moaned Optimus as he removed all ten burnt trays of cookies, "FRAGGING PRIMUS!" he shouted, and threw them down on the counter, their efforts in crumbs(no pun intended....ok, pun intended), "I can't believe it. All of our hardwork. GONE!" he sobbed, holding a very black double chocolate cookie, "Why Primus? WHY!" Megatron picked up a burnt santana cookie, and examined it, "We're not meant to be able to do everything!" Optimus wailed, throwing his hands in the air. Megatron walked over to him and slapped him in the face.

"Would you just shut up?!" Optimus' optics turned to his brother's face, "I can't think when you're screaming like a sparkling," Megatron turned away, tapping his claws against his chin.

"Butthasvlkjsdfkjakfjadlfsjkd...." Megatron walked over and slapped him again.

"What?! You speak sparkling now?! I'm thinking of a way to fix this mess," Megatron said, and stared at the cookie, "There has to be a way to fi..." He stopped, smiled, and turned to Optimus.

"What?"

"I have an idea."

* * *

_Dun dun dun!!!!!! Will Megatron's idea be enough to save the cookies and give him and Optimus the right to be able to say they can do anything? What will Blackout do with the blackmail footage? What is Ratchet's outift that he must wear if he has to perform his dance? Why did Epps randomly show up in this chapter after being gone forever? Why does Megatron act all tough when he is soft, like a baby's bottom?_

_THESE QUESTIONS WILL BE ANSWERED IN THE NEXT CHAPTER!!!_

_......hopefully_


	4. Part Three

"Do you have all the supplies?" Megatron asked when Optimus entered the room. His back was to his brother. Optimus placed the five bags on the floor. There was a light by Megatron, and he heard the sound of scraping.

"Are...are you sure this is going to work?"

"Positive. They'll never know the difference, unless they were master chefs or something," Megatron giggled, "And none of them are!"

* * *

"Thank you so much for coming Gordon Ramsey," Sam said, leading the famous chef through the hanger, "Optimus and Megatron have worked hard to accomplish this goal, and I'm sure it will mean a lot to them that a master chef has come to taste their cookies."

"Yes, well, thanks for inviting me Samuel. I look forward to tasting their...success," he said, and sat down in a chair, "May I have a glass of water?"

"Yes, of course," Sam went to the fridge to get him a glass of water, while Mikaela went to tell Optimus and Megatron the good news.

Mikaela knocked on the door, "Who is it?"

"Mikaela. We have a surprsie for you," The door opened, just a crack and Optimus' helm appeared.

"What?"

"We have a master chef here to taste your cookies in order for the statement 'Optimus Prime and Megatron can do anything' to be true," Optimus' optics twitched.

"That's....great," he said through clenched teeth, then closed the door. He turned to face Megatron, a look of panic across his face, "We have a big problem."

"What?" Megatron asked, his back to him.

"A master chef is here to taste our cookies," Optimus heard something hit the table.

"Get over here and help me! My plan is going to work!" Optimus hurried over to the table, and soon he began to help Megatron.

"Scraper."

"Icing."

Cookie shaper."

"Blaster."

"I hope Arcee doesn't get mad about us ruining her paint."

"Nah, she never gets mad."

"OW! FRAG I SLICED MY FINGER!"

"Oh shut up, would you??"

* * *

Jazz bounded into the room, "Are they ready, are they ready, are they ready?" Ratchet shuffled in after him. Everyone dropped what they were doing and stared. Ironhide's mouth twitched, Arcee's optics went wide, the twins' mouth hung open wide. Mikaela walked into the room.

"Hey. What is everybody..." She dropped her plate, and it crashed, braking into tiny pieces, "What are you wearing Ratchet?!"

In front of them, Ratchet stood wearing a bright yellow unitard with a lime green tutu. On his head was a blond wig with a tiara. Around his vocal processor were colourful beads, bright red, neon orange, fluroscent yellow, lime green, bright blue, and bright purple. Even Chef Ramsay was speechless. Sam covered his mouth, trying to stop from laughing. Jazz had a big grin across his face.

"What do you think, what do you think??" Jazz asked, bouncing on his feet. There room was silent, then someone coughed.

"It's ahh...unique Jazz. Very unique," Sideswipe said, arms crossed, holding back his laughter as his twin Sunstreaker was shaking, "Right Sunny?" Sunstreaker nodded, trying not to burst. The Decepticons had no emotions on their face.

"Megatron will...love it," Blackout said, his voice shaking as he tried not to laugh, "And I'm sure they will be ready soon," Ratchet shuffled out of the room, Jazz following him, bounding as he did. When they had left, everyone burst out laughing.

"DID YOU SEE THE COLOURS?!"

"AND THE UNITARD?!"

The Decepticons were rolling on the floor laughing, clutching their sides. The Autobots were leaning against each other to stop from falling over, and the humans were banging their fists on the table.

* * *

"Ok. Last one," Megatron breathed, energon leaking down his helm. He was sweating as the humans called it. Optimus nodded, and wiped his face.

"I can't wait until this bet is over and we win," Megatron nodded, and began working on the last cookie. Optimus was watching over his shoulder. He walked over to the frige and grabbed a bottle of energon, "Do you want some energon Megs?"

"Yeah. Can you put a straw in it too Opt?"

"Blue or red?"

"Red obviously," Optimus brought the energon over, and placed it on the table. Megatron leaned over and took a big sip from his energon, "Ahh that hit the spot right there," Megatron sighed, and put down his tools, "Done!" He looked at Optimus, "You know what this calls for?"

"A victory dance?"

"A victory dance," The two brothers nodded, and began to do the Charlie Brown, "OH YEAH OH YEAH OH YEAH OH YEAH OH YEAH!"

"What...the frag are you doing?" They stopped in mid-Charlie Brown, and saw Ironhide standing in the doorway.

"Uh, victory dance?"

"No. Just no. Come on, we're waiting for the cookies and we want to see you fail," Ironhide said, arms crossed and smiling.

Everyone was sitting down at a large table, with Gordon Ramsay sitting at the head of the table. He had no expression on his face. Megatron and Optimus walked out, holding a platter of cookies. Megatron pushed Optimus forward, "You...you talk," Optimus rolled his optics, and placed the platter down. Gordon Ramsay looked at him.

"Um, today, we present a platter of various flavours of cookies, including chocolate chip, sultana, and white macadamiun nut. Please enjoy these cookies and I hope they are satisfactory," He smiled, and stepped back, standing by Megatron. Gordon Ramsay picked up a sultana cookie, and beagn to examine it.

"Hmm, nice texture," He sniffed it, "Smells like a cookie," He licked it, "Hmm, taste like a cookie, sultanas look cooked as well. Now, it's the ultimate test," He looked at everyone, "The taste test," And with that, he took a bite.


	5. The End Or Is It?

Optimus and Megatron watched as Gordon Ramsay slowly chewed the cookie. There was no sound made in the room as he chewed, chewed, chewed, and he swallowed. They watched him take out a pad of paper and write something on it, his pen scraping the paper. The tension was so thick, you'd have to cut it with a knife. Chef Ramsay clicked his pen, placed it in his pocket, ripped the sheet off the pad of paper, and stood up. He walked over to Optimus, stuck the piece of paper on his finger, and smiled, "Thank you for having me. It was a pleasure," And with that, he walked out of the hanger.

"Whatdoesitsaywhatdoesitsay?" Jazz asked, bounding up and down. Optimus took the piece of paper off his finger, and read it, Megatron hovering over his shoulder. Optimus' optics went wide, and he fainted. Everyone was in shock, "Megs, what does it say?" Megatron took the piece of paper out of his brother's hand, and read it. He squealed with delight.

"WE CAN DO EVERYTHING!!!!" He began jumping up and down, clapping his hands and screaming like a little girl, "YAY US!!!" he clapped his hands, still jumping up and down.

* * *

Optimus sat up, gasping. He ran a hand over his face, "Yo boss. You looks like yous seen a ghosty."

"I just had the weirdest dream ever. Me and Megatron had to bake ten dozen cookies as a bet because it said on the internet that we couldn't do everything," Skids and Mudflap glanced at each other, "Don't tell me it was real."

"Well..

"You see..."

"There's someting yous should sees boss," Optimus got up, and followed them to the hanger. The Decepticons were sitting around, drinking energon and eating cookies. Megatron was on the computer, giggling. Optimus looked around, horrified.

"Hey Optimus," he turned around, and saw Ratchet, dressed in a unitard, "You look frightened."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" Optimus screamed.

* * *

Optimus sat up, gasping. He ran a hand over his face, "That was retarded."

"What was retarted?" He turned, and saw Ratchet standing there in the unitard, holding a platter of cookies.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" Optimus screamed.

* * *

Optimus sat up, gasping, "Thank God it's not real," He got up, and walked out to the hanger. The lights were off. He walked over to the fridge, and took out a bottle of energon. He saw something out of the corner of his optic, and turned around. There, on the table, was the platter of cookies.

"OH COME ON!" Optimus yelled, throwing his hands up in the air.


	6. The Real End

_Ok. I LIED! This is officially the last chapter of 'Cookies', as I'm sure you the readers would like to know what Blackout did with the tape of Megatron crying like a sparkling. Let us see..._

"Heeheeheeheeheeheeheee!" Blackout giggled, as he furiously typed on the computer, "Megatron is going to hate me for this but it is SOOOOOOOOOOO worth it!" Scorponik nodded, and turned towards the door.

"Hey Blackout," Jazz said, wandering into the room, "Whatcha doing?"

"Blackmailing Megatron. Wanna see?" Jazz nodded, and leaned down. His optics went wide.

"NOWAYNOWAYNOWAYNOWAY! UPLOADONTHEINTERNETNOW!" Blackout giggled, and continued typing.

* * *

Moments later, the entire Autobot base was in laughter, including Ratchet, who was, unfortunately, still wearing his dance outfit. Megatron had laughed so hard at his dance, he had to be sent to the medbay and didn't get to see the end of it. While in the medbay, Megatron couldn't stop laughing while Ratchet examined him, and this caused Ratchet to throw something at his head.

Megatron walked in, "What's so funny?" The twins pointed and laughed.

"YOU IS A BABY!"

"A BIG OL' BABY!" Megatron was confused.

"Whaa?" Optimus brought him over to the nearest computer, and showed him the video entitled "Big Man, Big Tears". Megatron's optics went wide.

"YOU!" he screamed, pointing his claw at Optimus, "YOU BETRAYED MY TRUST!"

"Megs, chill. It was Blackout," Jazz said, leaning back on his chair, wiping his optics. Megatron's right optic twitched, his claws outstretched.

"Black...out?" he said slowly. Jazz nodded, "I'M GONNA MAKE HIM PERMANTLY BLACKOUT!" Megatron roared, and ran down the hall. Everyone fell down on the floor, laughing so hard that their sparks hurt.

FIN...I MEAN IT! IT'S THE END! NO MORE COOKIES! NO MORE CAK...

Ratchet: Wait, what is a cake?

Starscream: We must investigate!

Jazz: And find out if they can bake cakes!

VBH:...oh crap what have I done?


End file.
